Where in Humpty Dumpty does it say his an egg?
by theone101
Summary: Okay, so tell me? were in humpty dumpty does it say his an egg? well its ALL explained inside ... the events that lead up to the tragic death of a belovered nursery rhyme character lol. T for mild lauguage ALL HUMOUR.


**Hey guys this is my first fan fic. So be kind. This is a conversation I had with my friend over msn the other night … we just made it up on the spot, but it actually turned out to be really funny! The words in bold is me talking and the other words are my friend. ENJOY**

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**Hello you dinky-die Sheila **

Maybe

Hello

**sorry had the urge**

Riightio

so, d''ya win?

**for sure**

**do u know 500?**

**the card game?**

Yup

**well i won on 2 mezares**

Lol

**twas a good un**

Goodo

**ok you know how my mind sort of wonders a bit...**

i certainly do

**well i was thinking…**

omg, did it hurt!?

**oi non of that**

**well its sort of like when i was thinking of why everyone says 'breath in' when it actually makes u bigger**

**remember when i said that**

yes i do

what of it, my lady?

**ok well its sort of like that**

**ok so i was laying awake last night**

**staring at the ceiling ... ( and thinking of the brilliant tennis game between federer and safin)**

**(it was a good one did u see it)**

Yeah

**(ok ill continue)**

**So**

**i was thinking -- heres the punch line**

**where in humpty dumpty does it say his an egg?**

**where i tell u**

Interesting

**yes... yes i thought so to**

well, he was drawn as an egg in the original poem

**-shakes head- i have 2 much time on my hands atm**

yes, im a little worried by that

what made you think of such a thing anyway?

**I**

**Don't**

**Know**

**and that is the upmost truth**

Lol

**... AND when did he first fall apart?**

**hey... hey ANSWER THAT!**

humpty dumpty sat on a wall

humpty dumpty had a great fall

and all the kings horses

and all the kings men

couldn't put humpty back together again

what do you mean?

**couldn't put humpty back together AGAIN**

**AGAIN**

**AGAIN**

**AGAIN**

**see what i mean**

its saying they couldn't make him a whole egg again, meaning he was a whole egg but isn't now

WAS

past tense

**nar man they mean it as in past tense**

**thats right**

he WAS an egg, but NOW isn't

and those guys couldn't make him an egg AGAIN

**past tense its happened before**

he was an egg but when he fell, he turned into something else

**so the question is - when did it happen before**

so to become an egg after a fall would need to require an AGAIN in the sentence

**no no no man u have it all wrong**

no u do

**Noooooooooooooo**

your complicating the simplest of things

**i think u are Incorrect**

your avoiding the big picture anyway

ya know that

**big picture?**

you wanna know the real question of the poem?

**what?**

**Yes**

WHAT THE FUCK WAS HE DOING ON A WALL IN THE FIRST PLACE!!

**so true**

**lets explore that topic**

**... and the plot thickens**

Lol

**WHY... did he have a great fall?**

eggs are fragile and break at any surface height

expect for that one point on an egg that can't be broken for some reason

**hey -- you've got me interested now im going 2 go look this topic up now**

**True**

Lol

**but still... why did he fall**

**or was he pushed?**

loss of balance?

**i say he was pushed**

but who pushed him?

**ok WHO pushed him**

he could have been knocked

OOOOOH I KNOW

**... well the queen of hearts had it in on him ...**

when Jack and Jill fell down the hill, the rhyme never said how Jack broke his crown. maybe Jack crashed head first into humpty's wall, ineffectively knocking over the poor egg and causing him to break

**ahhhh ... now where getting somewhere**

**... he was always a shifty character that jack**

yeah, and y was he getting whater?

**i mean why go UP the hill to get the whater**

**when he could have just build a well at the bottom**

did jill HAVE to come along? was she forced to endure the mountain hike?

lol exactly

**yessssss yyeesssss**

bringing us back to humpty, y could the men ride their horse back to there kingdom and get surgical glue to stick humpty back together?

i ask you that

**yess true ... but i was liking the topic of jack... **

lol sorry

**u know his everywhere that jack**

**he built a house**

really?

ah yeah, the house that Jack built

**(The House That Jack Built) and jumped over candle sticks**

"all work, no play, makes Jack a sad boy"

**then there was jack sprat**

**yes yes**

y couldn't he walk around the candle?

**hmmm thats the question**

**maybe he just did it for the thrills**

was he paid?

**YES! thats it**

**who paid him...**

Hmmmm

**or **

**he may had been trying to impress someone**

Yes

**cough bo peep cough**

that may be why she lost all her sheep

**Yes**

everything is connected!

**coz he made the candle fall over wile he was jumping over it... then it burnt all the sheep and bo peep got worried and said that she conveniently "lost them"**

wow, good point

**just to gain insurance**

that might have been the fire that was involved with the cruel cooking of 27 blackbirds that were incased in a pie and were ordered to be cooked

Yeah

**yes YES YES!!**

**I TELL YOU EVery thing is connected**

**So**

**lets get the facts right**

6 degrees of separation i tell ya

what are the facts?

**bo peep got a heap of money ... jack just got his but burnt ... **

27 birds were ordered to be slaughtered via death of pie

**humpty ... well he fell of a wall and died **

Yeah

jack's crown...was that even mended?

**and jill had 2 take a hike**

**yes the crown**

yeah, poor jill

**hmmm that seems 2 be the startings of this problem**

**the crown started it all**

yeah, the butterfly effect

**? ... but did it?**

**what made jack and jill fall?**

**did they simply slip on some whater**

JACK PLANTING HIS RIDICULOUSLY BIG BEANSTALK!!

**YES**

the rumbling of the ground must of thrown off everyones balance

**and it grew out of his pocket**

**so he lost balance**

yes yes yes

**YES**

**tis the one**

**and where did he get the beanstalk... that giant**

and yet another jack

**( yes i relised that)**

yeah...no, from that poor guy

**so the giant**

Lol

**NO WAIT**

**I HAVE IT WRONG**

what?

**he didnt get the beanstalk from the giant... it was from that old lady**

**at the market**

**yes yes yes**

Yeah

**so who is this old lady? where did SHE come from?**

but where'd she get em...i mean, you normally dont find those beans just lying around

OMG

I GOT IT

BY GEORGE I'VE GOT IT

she's mother goose

**WHO WHO**

**Noooooooooooo**

Oh

**u dont say**

?

i did say

**BY JOVE I THINK U MAY BE RIGHT MELADDY**

YES!

**mother goose**

that bitch

**she was the starting of all this**

yeah, her and that goose

**that evil little bird**

grrr...makes me wanna eat it

so is this case closed, mr. holmes?

**no this is not...**

**far from it im afraid doctor**

oh really?

**where did mother goose come from? like i mean where is she in any nursery rhyme?**

she's just the storyteller, i suppose

**Yeeeeeeeees**

**i still have my suspicions **

oh really?

**so your telling me she made this whole mess and she gets NAMED after it!**

they are probably stories to cover up her own misdeeds

**yeeess **

**ok ... im out of ideas ... would u like 2 say it or shall i?**

she was the one who stole the cookies from the cookie jar

**that may just be true**

case closed

**thats right buddy**

offers hand for shaking well done, mr.Holmes

**well i must say Dr. whatson we did good – shakes hand-**

we certainly did

**Well**

**now we have nothing to talk about**

so what will you be doing now?

**i dont know**

**

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well there you have it ... hope you enjoyed it ... plz plz PLZ leave me a review (remembering this is my first fan fic.) i would really love to hear from you

theone


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